arteejee

A site of satirical musings, commentary and/or rhetorical criticism of the world at large.

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Location: Southeastern, Pennsylvania, United States

Sunday, December 22, 2013

What Would Jesus Do…For Christmas!


Tis the season to think of others, and give to them accordingly. In keeping with this spirit, I am thinking of Jesus and wondering what He would do to celebrate his birthday. I humbly - very humbly - submit my suggestions for Jesus.

1. Impress some babes by walking on a body of water.

2. Host annual beach barbecue; remind everyone that He will supply the bread.

3. Give mom her belated Hanukkah gift, a cross I handmade in shop class at Raoul Wallenberg High School.

4. Review and revise final draft of my blistering critique of Sarah Palin’s Good Tidings and Great Joy: Protecting the Heart of Christmas for The Huffington Post.

5. Ask Father to unleash locusts on Pat Robertson’s butt just for shits and giggles. Ditto for Rush Limbaugh.

6. Locate that little drummer boy that kept me up all night the day I was born and kick his ass.

7. Scratch #6; on second thought, it would be inappropriate for the season and, more importantly, it may be considered “un-Christ-like”.

8. Forgive ABBA for all of their sins.

9. Call Vatican; congratulate Pope on being named Time Magazine’s Person of the Year.

(Thank you for reading! Oh yeah, I can smell my soul smoldering now!)

3 Comments:

Anonymous Janey said...

Oh Honey, that's not your soul smoldering! It's the fabulous weed I got for my Christmas Break! For what better way to celebrate the birth of our Saviour than with a "Wake 'n' Bake"? (Cue the lightening bolt of eternal damnation...) :-)

December 23, 2013 at 10:15 AM  
Blogger todd gunther said...

Thanks Janey, and Merry Christmas! Have you been to Uruguay yet? :)

December 25, 2013 at 6:36 AM  
Anonymous Janey JingleBells said...

Good Morning RTG!

Merry Christmas from Uruguay!

Enrique, load a fresh bowl for Santa!

Merry Christmas to you, AM, and your family, Todd!

Love,
Janey, the Pride of South America

December 25, 2013 at 8:03 AM  

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